


There Once Was A Man From Nantucket...

by 7_Magpies



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment RPF
Genre: Feelings Confession, First Kiss, Getting Together, Insecure Shane Madej, M/M, No Smut, Secret Admirer, Valentine’s Day, dirty poems, no beta we die like men, seduction techniques
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:41:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27439018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/7_Magpies/pseuds/7_Magpies
Summary: Ryan receives a letter from a secret admirer (well, secret to nobody but him).
Relationships: Ryan Bergara & Shane Madej, Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 26
Kudos: 166
Collections: shyan fic (ga-mature)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This has been a while in the making. Many thanks to the book club (especially uneventfulhouses for accidentally making a rhyme and causing me to go down this rabbit hole in the first place <3) 
> 
> A portion of this was written in the car on my cell phone so please ignore any typos as best you can.

Ryan’s never been a fan of Valentine’s Day. He didn’t hate it or anything, he just didn’t find it as fun when single. He wasn’t going to rain on anyone else’s parade, though, so he smiled at the people in the office and took a plate of cookies and a sucker when he passed the kitchen on his way to his desk. When he reached his and Shane’s desk, his friend was already there and working on his laptop when Ryan sat down. 

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” Ryan said with a smile. “Cookie?”

“Sure.” He grabbed a chocolate chip cookie off of Ryan’s small plate, nodding his thanks and pointing to Ryan’s desk. “You’ve got something.”

“Oh?” Ryan sat at his side of the desk and saw a small white card. He opened it to see a short typed poem signed “from your secret admirer.”

There once was a guy named Ryan

Who looked good without even tryin’ 

The warmth of his eyes 

Catches me by surprise

And his biceps set my heart flyin’.

He looked up and saw Shane reading it over his shoulder. “Hey, this is from  _ my _ secret admirer,” he said, feeling a blush rise in his cheeks. 

“Well, they’re not bad at rhyming,” Shane said with a half-smile. 

Ryan stopped for a moment before nodding. “Yeah, I guess not. Wonder who it is.”

“Who knows?” his friend replied with a shrug, finishing off his cookie and turning back to his computer.

Ryan mulled over the possibilities as he opened the sucker and began working for the day.

He mostly forgot about it, though. Until the next day, when he walked in to find an identical card on his desk.

“Looks like your admirer’s persistent,” Shane said with a lopsided grin, watching Ryan open the card.

You know you look like a dream,

And your abs are pretty extreme. 

When I saw you with a sucker,

And how your lips pucker,

I thought that I might just cream. 

It was signed the same way. 

Ryan couldn’t help the surprised laugh he gave when he read the note. “It’s decidedly less safe for work than yesterday,” he told Shane.

Shane looked concerned for a moment. “Do you need to lodge a complaint or something?”

“No, it’s hilarious. I wonder who it is.” 

He just shrugged. “Who knows? Maybe you’ll get another tomorrow.” 

“I kind of hope so,” Ryan said, watching his friend’s face to see how he reacted.

He just smiled, like he was happy for Ryan and Ryan’s secret admirer, and Ryan felt his heart drop a little. He had hoped, foolishly, that maybe Shane would be jealous that someone else was paying attention to him. He’d thought there was something in the air between him and Shane. Something beyond the joking banter and friendly touches. There was on his end, at least. 

If Shane didn’t feel the same way, though, what was Ryan to do about it? He decided to just try and get work done, and cross that bridge when he got there. So he put the cards out of his mind and did some editing, and the world was normal.

Until the next day.

He wasn’t surprised to see the note sitting on his desk. Shane was already there, too, and he smirked at Ryan. “Your admirer is apparently  _ quite  _ persistent,” he said in a joking tone that made Ryan roll his eyes.

“Shut up, Shane.”

This one was a little more romantic than some of the past ones, and was again signed “from your secret admirer”:

I suppose if you want to get technical

I’d identify myself as bisexual. 

But you’re really hot

And more often than not

You make my heart feel ineffectual. 

Ryan smiled widely as he read the poem. “Did you already read it?” he asked Shane.

His friend just smiled, raising his eyebrows. “Maybe…” he said, raising his hands in a shrug. “Curious, y’know? I didn’t see who left it, though.”

Ryan nodded, putting the card in his backpack with the other ones, and thinking of a plan. 

The next day he came to work early, and was at his desk before the card. He started working and waved at Shane when he came in. “Hey, I think my admirer quit or he’s running late today.”

“Maybe. Did you just show up this early to try and catch whoever it is?”

Ryan looked at his keyboard. “Well, I mean, when you put it like that…” 

Shane just chuckled, patting Ryan’s shoulder. “Well, since you’re here, can you come help me with something? I told Steven I’d get a case of water to put in the fridge here. You can put those biceps of yours to use for once.”

“Sure thing, big guy,” Ryan said, flexing in an overexaggerated way to make Shane laugh. 

“Come on, Samson.” He led him out to his car. 

“You seriously can’t carry a case of bottled water?” Ryan asked on the way back in.

“I can, but like I said, you need to put those dumb muscles of yours to work occasionally.”

“You’re just jealous,” Ryan called with a smirk as he went into the breakroom to drop the case off. When he came back out, Shane pointed at a new card.

“It was here when I sat down. Whoever it is must have left it while we were outside.”

Ryan swore internally at his plan backfiring, but opened the card. 

Sometimes I can have class,

Other times I’m often crass. 

But I want to admit

That your body’s so fit

And I often wanna eat your ass. 

The last sentence caught him by surprise and caused him to laugh out loud. “Please tell me you didn’t read this one,” he said to Shane as he put it in his backpack with the others.

“I didn’t. Why, what is it?”

“Don’t worry about it, I might tell you some other time.”

“Might?” 

Ryan smirked over at him. “Yeah. Got plans this weekend? I wanna brainstorm with you and see if we can come up with a likely suspect.”

Shane rubbed the back of his neck and looked away, looking unsure of himself. “I dunno, man, maybe just let it stay a secret?”

“Why should I?” He was curious as to his friend’s reasoning for just letting it go, especially since Shane of all people should know that Ryan was not one to let something go. 

“Because maybe if they wanted you to know who they are then they’d sign it? I dunno, it’s up to you, I’ll try to help if you want. I just think it’d be too hard since you don’t really have anything to go off of.”

Ryan sighed, slumping in his office chair. “Have I mentioned lately that I hate it when you have a point?”

“Once or twice,” he replied smugly.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t let it get to your head. It’s already big enough.” 

“Whatever. Hey, can you look over this edit for me?”

For the rest of the day, Ryan found himself looking around the office at his different coworkers, wondering if any of them could potentially be his secret admirer. 

He got to work the next day to see another card on his desk. When he walked over to open it, though, he got stopped by Steven. 

“Hey, Ryan, is Shane okay?”

Ryan frowned, looking around for his friend. He wasn’t in the office yet, which was unusual. “I don’t know, why?” 

“He came in earlier for just a minute and then left, saying he was starting to feel sick. He didn’t look too good, either.”

“Ok, I’ll text him and see if he’s ok.” 

Steven nodded and walked away, leaving Ryan able to open his latest card. He nearly dropped it when he realized what it said. 

Often times you can be a pain,

And I thought my feelings would wane.

That clearly wasn’t true,

Because I’m still here with you,

And there’s nowhere I’d rather be — love, Shane.

Ryan pulled out his phone to call Shane, but it went to voicemail. He ran to follow Steven. “Hey, is there anything you need me to do today? I’m gonna go check on Shane, I’ve got to talk to him about something.”

Steven raised an eyebrow. “You do?”

“Yeah. It’s, uh, a long story. I was getting these limericks from a secret admirer and—“

“It’s actually Shane?” Steven cur him off. 

“Wait, did he tell you?”

“He didn’t have to. It’s obvious. Come on, who else would try to seduce you using  _ limericks _ ? So much for detective brain.”

Ryan opened his mouth to argue, but couldn’t think of anything to say. 

Steven rolled his eyes. “I’ve got things handled here. Go.”

“Thanks!” He ran out the door, leaving Steven shaking his head behind him. 

——- 

A little while later, Ryan was at Shane’s and knocking on the door, fighting down the nerves he felt coursing through his body. 

Shane answered after a few knocks. He did look sick, his shoulders hunched and face pale. He wasn’t quite able to meet Ryan’s eyes. 

His mission was almost forgotten as he felt concern for Shane. “Whoa, dude, are you okay?”

“I’m alright.”

“I got your card.”

Shane nodded, still looking down. “Look, I get that it’s one-sided, and I respect that, but I—“

“It’s not.”

He looked up, looking confused. 

“Can I come in?”

Looking almost dumbstruck, Shane nodded and stepped back, letting Ryan in. He closed the door behind them and went to sit on his couch. Ryan stayed standing. 

“Shane, do you mean the things you said in those poems?”

Shane nodded slowly. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t planning on revealing myself or I would have kept them a lot tamer.”

Ryan stepped towards Shane. “Hey, don’t worry about it. I loved them. 

“Really?”

“Yes. Really. That’s why I came. I loved them. And I love you. I’m so glad it was you.” 

Shane opened his mouth a couple times to speak, but no words came out. Finally he managed to say “I have others. Drafts, really.”

“Can I see them?”

“Uh, I guess.” He took a notebook off the coffee table and passed it up to him. 

Ryan looked through the pages for a moment before finding a bunch of limericks. The ones he had received were there, along with a few he didn’t recognize. 

My time I will gladly bide

With you right by my side. 

You can be nerdy,

But I hope you’ll get dirty

And let me give you a ride. 

You sometimes can be the worst,

But other times you make my heart burst. 

You like taking your shirt off,

And outwardly I scoff,

But really I’m dying of thirst. 

You believe in ghosts of the dead,

And your theories I often dread. 

You steal my thunder,

And sometimes I wonder,

If you’d be good at giving head. 

“These are great, Shane.”

Shane smiled, looking down at his hands. “Sorry that some of them are inappropriate. I just—“ 

Ryan cut him off, putting the notebook back on the table and kneeling on the ground in front of Shane. “Don’t apologize.” 

Before Shane could respond, Ryan pulled him down into a quick kiss. It was over in a second, and Shane blinked for a moment afterwards, not saying anything. 

“Was that okay?”

“Yes. It was more than okay.” He leaned back in and caught Ryan’s lips in another, longer kiss. It was soft and slow as they learned the feel of each other. 

Without breaking the kiss, Ryan found the hem of Shane’s shirt and slipped his fingertips beneath it. 

“Is this okay?” he asked in a short break between kisses. 

“Yes.” 

Ryan slid his hands below Shane’s shirt, feeling his warm skin beneath his fingers. A shiver ran up his spine when Shane’s hands gripped his arms firmly and lifted him up and onto the couch with him. 

A few seconds of flailing limbs, and Ryan situated himself straddling Shane’s thighs. 

Ryan pulled his shirt off and threw it to the floor, and saw how Shane was looking at him. “You’ve seen me shirtless before.”

“This is different and you know it,” he said with a slight smirk.

Ryan closed his eyes to focus on the feeling of Shane’s hands on his skin and lips on his neck. His touch was gentle, tracing along his muscles. Ryan reached for the hem of Shane’s shirt and started to pull it off, but Shane stopped him. 

He started to panic slightly. “Do you want to stop?”

“No, I just—I don’t… you’ve seen me.”

“Yeah. I have. What are you getting at?”

“You know I don’t look like you,” he said, not meeting Ryan’s eyes. 

“No. You don’t. Does that matter? I don’t care what you look like. I still love you even when you’ve got that goofy mustache.” 

Shane bit his lip, still looking down. 

Ryan kissed him again, hard. “You don’t need to be insecure. I don’t care. I promise.” 

Shane nodded and let Ryan pull his shirt off. Before it had even hit the floor, Ryan was kissing along his collarbone and burying his fingers in Shane’s hair. Shane was humming at the touch, hands squeezing lightly at Ryan’s hips. Ryan rocked forward reflexively, and felt a sizable bulge in Shane’s pants. He hissed a curse against Shane’s skin. 

“You getting excited?”

“Shut up, Shane. You’re one to talk.” He trailer one hand down Shane’s body and palmed over his growing dick. Shane moaned softly. 

“If I knew some bad limericks was all it took to get you in my lap I would have done it years ago,” he said in a low voice. 

“Better late than never. So what was that you wrote about wanting to eat my ass?” he asked before biting lightly at Shane’s collarbone. 

“Fuck.”

“Please do.” 

——- 

Years later, Shane might have written his vows in the form of a limerick, and Ryan might have laughed at the altar to the confusion of most people in the audience, and Steven might have been trying too hard not to cry to explain it to anyone. 


	2. Limerick Drafts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In trying to work this fic out in my head, I wrote a lot of limericks. There was no way for me to fit them all in the fic without it getting awkward, but I really wanted to share them before deleting them forever. So here it is, a half dozen terrible limericks that for whatever reason didn’t make the cut to the fic proper. Think of this as the deleted scenes, I suppose.

Ghosts always fill Ryan with dread,

And demons drive him out of his head. 

But he really likes crime,

And all of the time, 

I think he should invite me to bed. 

  
  


There were people who once in France

Had a plague that forced them to dance. 

You were taught this by the Professor,

And if you ever said “yes, sir,”

I’d want to get into your pants. 

  
  


We love to watch horror movies,

Some of them can be pretty groovy. 

But when you get scared, 

Sometimes I would dare 

To get a good look at your booty.   
  


I know you hate when I sing,

But for you I’d be a fling. 

It may sound hokey,

But I want you to choke me,

And then maybe suck on my thing. 

  
  


My name is Shane Madej,

And I’m with you most of the days. 

But sometimes at night,

My dick feels tight,

And I jerk it yelling your name. 

  
  


You sometimes can be the worst,

But other times you make my heart burst. 

You like taking your shirt off,

And outwardly I scoff,

But really I’m dying of thirst. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed these as much as I enjoyed writing them!! Which were your favorites? I’d love to know in the comments!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for getting through my terrible rhymes!! Kudos and comments are, of course, very appreciated!!


End file.
